Waiting.

Man. As I sit in this meeting..you're all I can think about. It sucks sitting here and knowing I can't do anything. Knowing that I have to wait for you to call me, if you do call me..which I hope you do. I haven't cried during mass in a long time and after receiving the eucharist as I kneeled down to pray..it hit me again. Everyone that I've told keeps asking me, "are you sure he's the one?" and I don't have a single doubt in my mind that you're the one. After everything..after everything..I've always thought about you and how you make me better and how you know so much about me and yet you still love(d) me. I want to move on but I can't..my heart honestly won't let me. As soon as all this happened I wanted to drive over there but I couldn't drop everything just for that. When we went into this whole long distance thing, we both knew it was going to be hard and when I was weak about it, you snapped me back to reality and asked me if I had faith. When everything and everyone is telling me to just stop and get over it..I still have so much faith and I don't know why. All I know is that you get me..for all of me and I really don't know what I'm going to do and waiting for you to speak to me..it really sucks. I keep thinking the worst. I'm trying not to over think but dammit.

I love you..I miss saying it. I miss talking to you. I miss my best friend. Sigh..

Back to this meeting that I'm not evening paying attention to.

Until whenever.

Love, Me.

Deactivated My Facebook.

Hello there.

So, I decided to deactivate my facebook because I tend to spend hours on end on it just browsing through other people's pages. It's also a huge distraction. I have a month or so in the bay this summer and I'm going to live it up. But as much as I want to live it up I have to work on my priorities and get that real estate license and get back on track with school. My next blog will have a check off list of what I want to accomplish.

Until next time.

Love,
Me.

Long Time No See..

Hmm. I hella miss writing in this thing.

Shall continue once I get back to LB.

Until then.

Love,
Me.

Thank You.

Oh I am definitely moving on but I am NO coward. You're the coward for walking away. I was honest with you. Completely honest and if you think me resisting and using my will power to not let anything happen, isn't giving my 100% then you have issues and you don't know what you want. Why is it bugging me even though I said I won't get hurt? Because I fell for you, for like the thousandth time and I'm not gonna fall for you again. So THANK YOU for walking away.

Until later.

Love,
Me

Word.

"I know I'm a catch. I know I'm an easy person to fall in love with but I'm a tough person to love and whoever can handle that, is the guy I'm meant to be with."

Until later.

Love,
Me

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Sorry I haven't blogged in a long time. I've been pledging & on top of that school is getting rather busy & keeping in touch with my family & friends. It's a lot of work.

This has been a weird ass week let me tell you. I won't go into details about this week or last night especially but I am physically and emotionally drained.

"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible." I keep thinking about this quote that Ms. Jaimie gave us yesterday before O.C.T and it sums up everything I want in life, in every aspect of my life. There are so many goals, so many things that I want to accomplish and I've just realized that I've been so scared to get out of my comfort zone and step out of the box, my whole..entire..life. The closest of I've ever come to "finding the limits of the possible by going beyond them into the impossible" was when I was with him. I opened my heart like crazy for him & it still hurts me to know that it ended the way it did. Sure, recently, I fell in love with someone I've known for years & we, yet again, could've had something but I just wasn't ready. There's nothing wrong with him, he's great & practically perfect but the hold the other one has on me is so strong that even with a year approaching since our break up..I still get butterflies when I talk to him. Being 400 miles away from him helps a lot but when I see him again everything just comes back & I wish it didn't. I love the feeling but when it's not reciprocated it hurts. Should I have just jumped into the relationship with the other one & see where it would go? Because I'm stuck here wondering, yet again. It was only fair to him because he was giving his all & I wanted to be his, I really did, don't get me wrong..but I knew i'd be ready when he asked me out & I didn't hesitate saying yes, but I did hesitate.

Sigh..what is wrong with me? I know I'm a catch. Sure, I've made mistakes. Sure, I've fucked up. But, I am no typical girl. I'm not. I'm a tough person to love that's for sure but who said love was easy? If it is easy then to me, it wouldn't be worth it because it would feel like you 2 didn't work for it.

I guess I just miss him & talking to him the past week & texting him..really brought everything back. After over 11 months..it's still there. Right now it's pretty hidden but damn..

Until next time.

Love,
Me

It's Been A While.

Wow. I never thought I'd say this but I miss blogging. It's been almost 2 months. Sorry. :/

Just spent the weekend at home and I love being home. I love Long Beach but it will never replace home. I'm about to drive to Tracy right now to pick up Lolo Tone and Lola Gayang. Not up for the drive back to Southern California at all.

I'll blog more when I get back.

Until then.

Love, Me.